In this opinion piece I muse about the language of trauma, social media, quick fixes, and shortened attention spans, without reaching any great conclusion. But, I suggest the issues discussed here are important for us to reflect upon, as trauma therapists, lawyers, human resources managers, magistrates, judges and as human beings doing our best to relate to each other in meaningful ways. So, I invite you to come along for the ride anyway.
Sanskrit has ninety-six words for love. Each word describes a type of love and the context it is used. English literature is proliferated with elegant prose describing love; “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer’s lease hath all too short a date …” [1]. Yet there is but one word for love. I recall the days of writing and receiving long letters. Email, texts, emojis and social media have dulled language and played havoc with our attention span. A heartfelt ”i ❤️ u”, with a capital ‘I’ if you’re lucky, is the language of love DuJour.
Access to information about anything is at our fingertips. Recently, I googled “what to add to boiled chicken for a puppy with diarrhoea that doesn’t like rice”? In case you ever need to know, the answer is mashed pumpkin.
What does this preamble have to do with psychological terminology?
Trauma is derived from the Greek word, τραῦμα, describing physical injury. Over time the meaning broadened to encompass a psychological or psychic wound. The psychological impact on war veterans was central to this evolution; Shell Shock in WWI, Combat Fatigue and War Neurosis in WWII and the Korean War, culminating in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in Vietnam veterans. In 1980, PTSD was added to the DSM-III.
The American Psychological Association defines trauma as “a disturbing experience that results in significant fear, helplessness, dissociation, confusion, or other disruptive feelings intense enough to have a long-lasting negative effect on a person’s attitudes, behaviour, and other aspects of functioning”.
The courage of prominent sports people and celebrities must be credited for bringing conversations about mental health into the public domain. In 1999, Wayne Schwass, North Melbourne and Sydney Swans premiership player and in the early 2000’s comedic actor, Garry MacDonald. Many others followed. Mental health emerged from the shadows, reducing stigma and encouraging people to seek help. This is a good thing.
Fast forward almost three decades. There is a plethora of mental health information online, accompanying opinions, commentary, influencers and the ‘Instagrammification’ of therapy [2]. Anyone with a smart phone, computer, internet access and a credit card can purchase workshops and masterclasses to assist with individual challenges and relationship problems.
Yet, as understanding, awareness and public discourse about trauma has grown, simultaneously we have witnessed an oversimplification of diagnoses, terminology and human experience. The word trauma has become beige. Complex and nuanced experiences and behaviours have become homogenised. Quotes from trauma field pioneers have become catch phrases; “it’s not what is wrong with you but what happened to you” [3]; and “Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.” [4], and “The body keeps the score.’ [5] These phrases hold powerful truths.
Alongside a reductionist use of the word trauma is prolific use of other psychological terminology, such as ‘attachment styles‘, followed by advice about how to respond in a romantic relationship with a partner who is dismissive avoidant, anxious preoccupied or fearful avoidant.
The terms narcissist (narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, usually directed toward males) or borderline, (borderline personality disorder, BPD, usually directed toward females), are used liberally and mostly, scathingly in online communities. Many people can display an inflated sense of self-importance and lack of empathy, traits of NPD or impulsivity and emotional instability, traits of BPD but not meet criteria for diagnosis.
The term ‘triggered’ has entered everyday language. In the trauma field, triggered specifically describes a ‘disproportionate emotional or physical reaction that can feel overwhelming and more intense than the current situation warrants. It can manifest as panic attacks, deep shame, intense anger, or flashbacks, a re-living in the present of a past traumatic event, where it feels as if it is happening right now‘. On social media it is widely used to describe heightened emotional distress, which deserves understanding and support but is not the same as being triggered.
And finally, the terms ‘gaslighting’ and ‘toxic’. Gaslighting is derived from the 1944 movie, ‘Gaslight’, where a husband uses lies and manipulation to persuade his wife, she is mentally ill so he can steal from her. Accusing someone of gaslighting has become commonplace. On exploration, the person who feels gaslit is often describing someone presenting a counterview or opinion that they disagree with or find offensive. The counterview may be offensive or in fact wrong. That is not the same as gaslighting. Toxic is a term widely used to describe behaviours that most people would agree are unpleasant or harmful. However, toxic is used as an adjective to describe the person in totality, not the behaviour; he or she is a toxic person.
The terms trauma and triggered are often used in a context that is too generalised to be meaningful. Labels, such as attachment styles, diagnoses such as NPD and BPD, descriptions such as gaslighting and toxic have become weaponised. The misuse or overuse of psychological terms often followed by formulaic responses on how to ‘fix it’, can in the immediate term feel validating. Finally, someone is describing things that speak directly to our experience; someone understands. I feel seen and heard. In the longer-term simplistic explanations for complex dynamics and behaviours may cause greater harm when the high of being seen is followed by the low that insight does not change patterns, feeling like another failure.
The ‘beigeifcation’ (I made that word up), of trauma and misuse or simplification of other terms not only has implications in our personal communication, it has impacts in the therapy room, HR investigations and court rooms. Incorrect meaning assigned to terminology may see impasse and greater complexity in transference – countertransference dynamics in therapy. It may interfere with HR investigations into alleged harrassment and discrimination. It may weaken a legal case when a term is challenged and found to be used incorrectly. We also need to keep in mind that a person may use a shorthand word, trauma, to describe longhand experiences as protection. Saying, “I had a traumatic childhood”, is an easier sentence to say out loud than “I was repeatedly sexually abused by a family member and passed around at parties.”
Fifty years ago, psychiatry and psychology textbooks estimated one in a million children experienced child sexual abuse. This was a gross underestimation. Today, the Australian Bureau of Statistics estimates that over 1 in 5 women experience sexual violence in their lifetime, with 4.2 million Australian adults experiencing partner violence or abuse since turning 15 and approximately 57% to 75% likely to experience a potentially traumatic event in their lifetime. In a 12-month period, 22% of Australians experience a mental disorder, with 47% of those people seeking formal health support. There can be months long waiting lists for psychologists, psychiatrists and sexual assault centres. Medicare rebated sessions are limited to ten, which is not enough for people with complex histories of trauma, abuse or neglect. If it wasn’t apparent before, the covid pandemic highlighted that helplines, online resources and communities are critical resources.
Conversely, a recent study by the interdisciplinary Action on Digital Device Immersive Conditions Team (iADDICT) [6] raised serious concerns that children under two years of age playing with smartphones are not only at risk of overstimulation, sleeping difficulties, less physical play and limited language development. Alarmingly, they are also turning to digital devices for comfort and soothing, rather than to a parent.
The Online Safety Amendment (Social Media Minimum Age) Bill 2024 enforces a mandatory minimum age of 16 for accounts on major social media platforms. It is an attempt to address the risks of child exploitation and other harms on social media platforms. The reality is the social media horse has bolted. We live in a world where it can be difficult to discern truth from ‘alternative facts’ [7]. Our brains are primed to seek dopamine hits and quick fixes. Alogarithms will keep fuelling our social media feeds with information we have previously searched about. I really don’t need to know any more about puppy diarrhoea, but there you go!
Mental health professionals may need to take some responsibility, me included. Over decades of trying to bring trauma out of the dark and into the light, we perhaps have inadvertently contributed to the overuse of the word τραῦμα and other psychological terms. I wonder if this in part occurred because trauma was a more palatable word for the public to hold than incest or rape.
At this point of dismay, it may help to remember the ‘butterfly effect’, a chaos theory concept where tiny initial changes create massive, unpredictable ripple effects. If there is one thing we can all do immediately, it is to be mindful of the language we use and the context we use it in. To catch ourselves when we are about to use jargon and pause, formulate our thoughts, observations and feelings into descriptions of experience not labels.
In conversation with others, clarify what they are attempting to express. Is the use of the word trauma describing an experience that resulted in “significant fear, helplessness, dissociation, confusion, or other disruptive feelings intense enough to have a long-lasting negative effect on a person’s attitudes, behaviour, and other aspects of functioning”? or was it a distressing event that requires understanding and support but is not a trauma. Bearing in mind, “Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”
To statements presented as fact, “he’s a narcissist”, approach with respect and gentle curiosity; “it sounds like X didn’t take your feelings into account” or “she’s such a toxic person”, can be acknowledged and reframed, “when someone behaves that way it can be very hurtful.” In this way we validate the feelings but not the label. In turn, this may assist in developing a richer understanding of experience.
Perhaps with time, we can reign in the bolted horse from a gallop to a canter. However, I may still shoot through a “R U Ok?” text.
[1] William Shakespeare
[2] Livia Kent, Editor in Chief, Psychotherapy Networker
[3] Bruce Perry, MD
[4] Gabor Maté, MD
[5] Bessel Van Der Kolk
[6] Impacts of Screen Time, Media and Technology Use on Under 2s during the first 1001 Critical Days: A Systematic Review, (2026), 1001 Critical Days Foundation
[7] Former U.S. Counselor to the President, Kellyanne Conway
What did the defenses of Ted Bundy, O.J. Simpson, Michael Jackson, Phil Spectre, Bill Crosby, Harvey Weinstein and Ghislaine Maxwell have in common? Each of these sickening cases used the misnomer, ‘False Memory Syndrome’ (FMS) as a strategy to discredit their accusers. The other common factor in these cases is calling Professor Elizabeth Loftus as an expert witness on memory.
It was 10.00pm on 30 October 2002. I was sitting in my car at traffic lights on the crossroads of North Road and Nepean Highway. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw two figures step off the pavement. I didn’t pay attention as it appeared they were crossing the road behind me. Suddenly, the front and back passenger doors were yanked open.
“Is your foot sore?”, I innocently asked. Part way through a session I noticed my client pressing her foot into the floor. Her face froze. She looked like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights. Her expression was a combination of shock (at my noticing) and shame (for something of which I had no idea). I was perplexed by her reaction. I sat quietly and waited. After a few seconds she replied, “No. I have a thumb-tack in my shoe and I’m pressing my foot down on it.”
On 1 April 2022, in New York, NY, Judge Alison Nathan denied Ghislaine Maxwell’s motion for a new trial. Judge Nathan stated, “To infer Juror 50 was biased – simply because he was himself a victim of sexual abuse …. would be tantamount to concluding that an individual with a history of sexual abuse can never serve as a fair and impartial juror, that is not the law, nor should it be.”
The final of the memory trilogy explores complexities in navigating historical memories of child sexual abuse in psychotherapy with adult victim-survivors.
In the five years since the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, a chorus of victim’s voices has broken the silence and cover-ups surrounding sexual harassment and assault. The alleged perpetrators were predominantly but not only men, typically in positions of power over the victim’s employment and career. Many of the accused claimed allegations were false and that their careers and reputations have been ruined unjustly.
“The expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss daily but not be touched by it is as unrealistic as expecting to be able to walk through water without getting wet” Rachel Naomi Ramen.
Mental and allied health professionals, lawyers, the judiciary, and corrective services staff intersect the lives of others at critical and often traumatic junctures. These professions are frequently indirectly exposed to trauma through listening to accounts of traumatic events, exposure to distressing images, reading police, psychological and medical reports and victim impact statements.
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